If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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