I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
