hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
