wat bout pragnant strippers??
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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