Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
