her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
