Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
