So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
