Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
