my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
if only i could text you this smell
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
