I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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