btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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