I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
