Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
