11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
