Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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