I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
