Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
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What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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