Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
