I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
