i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
