Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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