I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My bed smells like the plague
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
