how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
