those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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