I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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