if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
