When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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