Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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