I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
