im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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