i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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