giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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