I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
