that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My breasts were aching with rage.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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