He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
