Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
