i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
