let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
