The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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