God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
