He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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