i just google imaged poop.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
