She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
