No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
