dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just google imaged poop.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
