i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
