new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
