My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
