Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
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I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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