the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
