OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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