Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
