it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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