Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
