i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
