Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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