My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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