i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
