Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
