I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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