Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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