my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
