There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
