I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
