It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
