wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
