i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
