Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
