I think I won the penis lottery.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
