I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.