we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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