Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
