Having a random hookup so left but love u
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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