She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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