Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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