Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
